I’ve been thinking about my social fears and discomfort lately and trying to brainstorm ways to overcome it. In particular, there’s an event Saturday night at work I’m dreading. I’m starting to realize my social anxiety is just me being incredibly conceited. Nobody cares about me when I’m in a crowd. Only I am cowered in that corner in my little head; worried about saying something offensive or looking like an ass.
I think I need to back up, shift the focus, and think about what other people in the room need. When I think of what people really want in life, really need in any given moment or day, I think of what children need.
To be heard, understood and valued.
This is also what I most crave. It’s an isolation thing. I don’t want to feel isolated on the planet, but I am trapped in my own mind. For me, a room full of people holding wine, brings forth the fear of isolation. So, how I can turn this isolation narrative around in a social setting? I’m not the only one standing there uncomfortable, right? Okay . . .
To be heard. I can listen to people.
To be understood. I can have a conversation about what I heard with empathetic insights and follow up questions.
To be valued. Somewhere in that conversation I could take care to acknowledge what gifts and value I see in them as it relates to what we’re discussing.
Lofty goals. I’ll probably just discuss the weather. Or try and pull this off and sound like an ass acting out the role of a reporter. How do you all approach a room full of strangers? Am I over thinking this?
Thanks Jamie. I value you too. It’s not just imagined. I promise. Wish you were coming Saturday. I would shadow you and laugh at your jokes all night and not to make you like me, but because you’re hilarious!
Experience has taught me that one thing that doesn’t work is to get drunk and hit on everyone, man and woman alike. 🙂
My sad belief is that we will never be heard, understood, or valued. People can make you feel that way, and we can make others feel that way. But I fear we are just imagining these things.
The best way I know to make people like you is to laugh at their jokes. I think I learned that from you!
With my limited abilities of true empathy and love, I value you, Rocky. I think you are one of the great ones.